Times Are Turf...

So I'm sitting down reading the Windsor Star this morning and I come across this article entitled, "The Grass is Always Greener with Fake Turf." It is about how the City of Windsor, in their infinite wisdom, has "planted" fake grass along our major north-south coridor. I drove by this emerald strip yesterday and thought, "Wow, for a place with its outside workers on strike, we sure have been cutting and watering this boulevard - a lot."

Those who were born, have worked, or still live in Windsor know that local politicians have made it their desire to make the Americans' drive, northbound from the expressway to the downtown area, the most beautiful sight they have ever seen! In the last 10 years, we have repaved this 750 meter peice of road 3 times. We have removed railroad overpasses. We have put huge boulders on either side. (What is our facination with boulders?) We have planted cute little trees between the lanes of traffic. We have created a great big mural with an oversized arrow pointing downtown. (It helps with the Americans' sense of direction, I guess...) We have grown many pretty girlie-looking flowers. And yes, of course, put in some grass. Now, the City seems to be intent on setting up the world's skinniest mini-golf course... "We won't have a weed problem, then." They said. Bully for them!!!

Don't get me wrong. I like beauty just as much as the next guy, but this is like trying to replace an ugly woman with Joan Rivers. There's just no point to it. To the east of this small patch of road is the Zalev Scrap Yard. They generate a very large amount of pollution with whatever they are doing in there. I'm thinking it must have something to do with rust because the color of the crap they send out into our air is orange. As I drove by yesterday, I laughed to myself because the fresh cement that they put in to compliment the turf was of a pinkish hue. They used to use the regular recipe stuff. Obviously, them smart fellers down at City Hall did this to negate the Zalev fall-out. Although, what about the rest of us? The concrete is now better prepared to be re-colored, but us Windsorites will begin to look like the Umpa Lumpas in a few years. My advice is to just leave it alone. The Americans don't even see the traffic lights let alone some overdone landscaping as they speed down to Caesars. Just plant some more damn grass and let the weeds come as they may.

It's a sad day indeed when another fake replacement is looked upon as a success. I love grass. In fact, I've got a whole bunch of it at my house, but please don't replace my grass. I urge the City Fathers to come over and enjoy my grass. I used to do turf (and tea), but I'm all-natural now. Sure, it's a little "weed-infested", but that's really only when my nephew-in-law comes over...